i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
