he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
