oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
