Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
