Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
