please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You can't motorboat a personality
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
