all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
