I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
40s are totally the cure
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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