I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
