I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
