R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
