i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
