I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
