When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
