It's Friday. Sex?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
