I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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