it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
