if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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