As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
