i think my mom watched the whole time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
