Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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