if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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