did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
