Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
