um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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