i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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