Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
