I got chris browned last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
