I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
