She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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