So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
