she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
