What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
