apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
