I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
