you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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