I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
