Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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