Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize