So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
