Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
