dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize
