I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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