I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
