Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
