maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
