when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
