After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I love you.
Bad choice
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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