I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
tell me about the fingering
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