Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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