I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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