His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
