Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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