He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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