i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
