And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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