Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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