Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
