in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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