you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
