There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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