I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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