Already got asked if we're dating
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
