it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you made out with another girl for some wings
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
