ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
