Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
