also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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