worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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