Betty ford says i'm here all night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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