I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
