My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
