also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
