peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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